


Far-Out Stans

by Anonymous



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: (they slip sometimes though), Comedy, Drug Use, Ficlet, Gen, Humor, I mean they're not bad parents, Marijuana, Really this headcanon makes too much sense, They do their best to keep this part of their lives from Dipper and Mabel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 18:58:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8545291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: While getting stoned one summer afternoon, Dipper and Mabel's parents make a surprising discovery.





	

“Haha, hun.” Eli Pines sat up, a sleepy grin on his face. “Did I ever tell you about my uncle Stan’s sixth finger?”

“I can’t talk right now,” said Megan Pines. “I’m reading Mabel’s letters.”

“Our daughter Mabel?”

Megan snorted. “No, the cat.”

“Wow, that obedience school really was something.” Eli took a hit from his bong. “Anyway, about Stan. My dad once told me Stan used to have six fingers, but… uh…uh…” He scratched his head. “Uh, he must’ve lost it.”

“Huh, that’s weird,” said Megan. She squinted at Mabel’s latest letter.

“Yeah, I thought maybe it was in ‘Nam, but he would’ve been in college by—”

“No, I mean…” Megan rubbed her forehead. “Fuck, I must be higher than I thought. I’m seeing double.”

“Where?”

Megan held up the letter. “Here! Swear to god, Eli, it looks like she drew two Stans! One of them’s kinda reddish looking.”

Eli studied the letter closely. “No, I’m seeing it, too. Holy shit, she really _did_ draw two Stans!”

“Whoa. Whoa.” Megan took a deep breath. “What do you think it means, Eli?”

Eli took the letter from Megan and stared at it, his gaze stern. After several minutes, he spoke:

“Clearly it’s some kind of metaphor. The red Stan represents the old Stan, the Stan of the past—see his six fingers?” He held up the letter so Megan could see this. “He’s a man who still has his hopes, his prospects. And the Stan on the left is like, the Stan we know, the post-‘Nam Stan. He’s all crushed by despair and this world, but he’s not giving up. Our daughter is learning to engage with the world in a beautiful way.”

They both took a moment to bask in the brilliance of these words.

“Man,” said Megan, “sending our kids to Gravity Falls was the best decision we ever made.”

“Oh yeah, I agree.”

**Author's Note:**

> The genesis of this fic came about when a friend and I were discussing the eternal mystery of Dipper and Mabel's parents, and why they never caught on to the fact that "Stanford" doesn't really act like a respected scientist. I jokingly suggested they might be stoners and suddenly got heavily invested.
> 
> They probably sent their kids to Gravity Falls because they got a ton of the good stuff and they don't want to smoke it while the kids are around.


End file.
